You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2011.
10. “I hope her retirement finances are in order”
9. “Here comes Cruise — hide the couch!”
8. “Hey, wasn’t she ten pounds lighter in the first half of this show?”
7. “Ready for a 48-hour retrospective of my most cloying moments?”
6. “Should we take up a collection for Stedman?”
5. “What kind of a name is ‘Oprah’?” (Oops, that was a thing overheard during Oprah’s first show)
4. “I always knew she would outlast the end of the world”
3. “This is more applause than Letterman gets in a year”
2. “One down, Dr. Phil to go”
1. “Woooo!”
I am heading to the park around 5:00pm to set up our chairs and to section out an area for those who wish to join us.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Don’t miss this great event!!
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Around 3:15am Chief woke me by hopping off the bed, and sitting in front of the gate to the bedroom, occasionally turning around to look at me in the dark. Fortunately, I felt him get off the bed. After a few minutes I asked if he needed to go out and he came over and nudged my hand.
Navi stirred, but kept her eyes closed. As Chief and I were leaving the bedroom, Navi sleepily scooted off the bed and walked onto the front porch with eyes half closed.
This was a big night. I held their leashes, but allowed them freedom.
Like a good Haas dog, they both walked down the drive, turned right at the sidewalk, stopped to sniff at the tree, and went to the easement to do their business – Navi a little more than Chief. When I began walking up the sidewalk they followed me.
As we stepped onto the front porch, a neighborhood dog, way off in the distance, gave a faint bark. And Navi was responding, loudly, followed by Chief… I scooted them into the house where they bolted for my bedroom like good pups.
Here are the photos of their typical landing sites: Navi on my pillow, Chief waiting at the door for me to return.
-
- 100 9687
-
- 100 9693
“Top Ten Reasons Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger Are Separating”
10. She finally saw “Jingle All The Way”
9. Maria’s nightly refusal to “pump him up”
8. The 25-year cross-species study had concluded
7. Turns out Maria is actually a girly man
6. One of ’em kept leaving the cap off the Weider supplements
5. She got tired of the interpreter in the bedroom
4. Testing new tag line: “I won’t be back”
3. She wouldn’t lose that dang accent
2. Action hero on the silver screen. Action zero in the bedroom.
1. Shouldn’t we be trying to think of ten reasons why they were ever together in the first place?
A great argument on the subject of Natural Born Citizens
You who worry about democrats versus republicans–relax, here is our real problem.
In a Florida State University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States.
It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.
However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was
that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.
The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating “What makes a
natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?”
Yep, these are the same kinds of 18-year-olds that are now voting in our elections!
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 James F. KingJames F. “Jim” King, 88, Elwood, passed away May 15, 2011 at Community Hospital in Anderson following an extended illness. Jim was born Sept. 16, 1922 in Frankton, the son of Chester and Ruth (Braddick) King. Jim married Dorothy Snipe Dec. 5, 1953. She passed away Aug. 22, 2003. Jim retired in 1983 from Delco Remy in Anderson. He was a member of the Frankton Masonic Lodge, Frankton K of P Lodge, Elwood Elks, Elwood Lions Club, UAW 662 and was one of Santa’s helpers for 56 years. James is survived by a son, Jeffrey L. “Butch” King of Alexandria; two daughters, Paula Mitchell Olson and husband, David of LeClaire, Iowa and Martisia “Marti” Osorio of Alexandria; two sisters, Betty Paddock of Frankton and Mildred Abernathy of Elwood; a granddaughter, Kinsey Christin and husband, Steve of Davenport, Iowa; three grandsons, James Benefiel and wife, Christina of LaGrange, Christopher Benefiel and wife, Marie of Fort Wayne and Ryan King and wife, Kacie of Lebanon; 10 great-grandchildren; and several nieces and nephews. He was preceded in death by his parents; his wife; a sister, Annie Swinford and a brother, Norman King. Funeral services will be at 11 a.m. Thursday, May 19, 2011 at Dunnichay Funeral Home, with Rich Leavell officiating. Entombment will take place at the Elwood City Cemetery Mausoleum. Friends may call from 4 to 8 p.m. Wednesday at the funeral home. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to the Elwood Lions Club or the Frankton Christian Church. |
“Top Ten Surprising Things Found On Osama Bin Laden’s Computers ”
10. “Welcome to Pakistan” letter from Pakistan’s president
9. Plans to attack Reading Railroad when passing Go
8. Amazon order for tea towels for Will and Kate
7. Al Jarreau
6. To Do List: Kill Osama (oh wait, that was on Obama’s computer)
5. DOS 3.1
4. Has become “Mayor of Hell” on Foursquare
3. Angry Kurds
2. Resume for “Two And A Half Men”
1. The Blue Screen of Death… To America!
Before we were taught to write in school, Mother worked with me on my penmanship. In first grade, Mother began teaching me how to write cursive so I’d be prepared for second grade.
In 1971 it was time to write the annual State Of The Union letter – my letter to Santa Claus – outlining my goodness for the year, and listing my wishes for Christmas. Mother thought it would be great if I would write mine in cursive to show Santa that I was ahead of schedule. I was uncertain that I could write an entire letter in cursive, but Mother devised a plan: I would print the original letter, she would copy my letter in cursive, and I would copy her cursive-letter in my own hand.
And this we did.
Christmas Eve, there was a knock at the door, and in walked the very familiar face of Jim King’s Santa.
Unbeknown to me, Mother had set a present on the porch for the “special delivery.” Mother had the 8mm movie camera rolling with the now-vintage Bell & Howell light bar blinding anyone within a 40-yard area.
After presenting me with my gift for good behavior for the year, he pulled from his pocket a very familiar looking envelope from which he pulled a letter. Santa began exclaiming how proud he was of me attempting cursive, and for the extraordinary penmanship for a first grader. While Cecil B. DeMom kept the camera rolling and the lights blaring, someone else snapped what would later become my infamous eye-roll.
Santa continued for what seemed to be an eternity, and finally departed, wishing one and all a wonderful Christmas… Jim King at his best!
The family festivities continued, and the room returned to a less blinding glow as Mother turned off lights that would have easily lit Wrigley Field. I was fascinated with one of my new gifts when I heard, “Darin Lee Jolliff….”
I looked up at Mother fearing the worst. I knew.
Mother was biting the corner of her lower lip. At age six, I knew this meant war. At age 46, I know this means Mother is trying to keep a straight face. What a difference forty years makes!
Mother shared with the rest of the family that I had not sent my copied letter to Santa… I had placed Mother’s hand-written letter in the envelope, and sealed it!
The 8mm film catches me turning my head slowly to peer at Mother as Jim King praised the penmanship. I, too, was biting my own lip, but out of “Oh shit! I got caught!” (And yes, that was probably my exact thoughts… little has changed in 40 years!).
I do not remember being reprimanded, but I am sure Mother shared a few thoughts at a later time. Uncle Ron and Uncle Tom, then 18 and 16, thought my deed quite classic.
That was an eventful Christmas Eve night… My uncles received fencing swords, Uncle Ron a brown leather coat, Mother a ring holder (from me) from Rhodes Jewelry Store (I bought Mother and Grandma Donna a collection of those plastic shapes with roses inside).
I got an electric train set which was promptly set up on the east side of the huge living/music room. Mother received a white hobnail lamp, packaged in excelsior packing, and I used some of the straw-like packing for the barn that went with my electric train set. I forgot to turn off my train when it was time to eat, and at some point the train ran off the track.
Someone smelled smoke…
It is a shame it was not the letter to Santa burning up on the track!
Merry Christmas, Mr. King, and thank you for fifty plus years of Santa-ing for so many of us in Elwood, Indiana…
|
|||||||
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open-heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
The Play-Wright Flyer Guy 