“Top Ten Reasons Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger Are Separating”

10. She finally saw “Jingle All The Way”

9. Maria’s nightly refusal to “pump him up”

8. The 25-year cross-species study had concluded

7. Turns out Maria is actually a girly man

6. One of ’em kept leaving the cap off the Weider supplements

5. She got tired of the interpreter in the bedroom

4. Testing new tag line: “I won’t be back”

3. She wouldn’t lose that dang accent

2. Action hero on the silver screen. Action zero in the bedroom.

1. Shouldn’t we be trying to think of ten reasons why they were ever together in the first place?