“Top Ten Signs You’ve Had A Bad Summer ”

10. Having your entry make this list is the best thing that happened

9. The only fireworks you saw were from a Seal Team storming your compound

8. You were riding high, then Rick Perry got into the race

7. You are head of security for The Ed Sullivan Theater

6. Your big comeback movie was about a guy who talks through a beaver hand puppet

5. You were able to get tickets to Letterman

4. Not only is your 401k underwater but so is your house

3. You got evicted and in your rush to move out, you forgot to pack your photo album of Condoleezza Rice

2. Five weeks into Dr. Bachmann’s “treatment” center and, if anything, you’re gayer

1. First your workplace was vandalized, then a fatwa was issued against your life