“Top Ten Things Overheard During the East Coast Earthquake”

10. “How can we blame this on Obama?”

9. “Please God, take the Jersey shore!”

8. “New York earthquakes are better because of our thinner crust”

7. “Did you see how scared Nancy Pelosi was? What do you mean she always looks like that?”

6. “Sounds like someone’s breaking into the Ed SullivanTheater again”

5. “Was that the stock market?”

4. “Chris Christie just jumped into the race”

3. “Help us, Captain America!”

2. “All this shaking makes Letterman look alive”

1. “Well, at least there isn’t a hurricane headed this way”